I would agree, I don't think it's an NVC request if the requester has not taken the time to connect with
their value for health and order and also to connect with a need or
needs the other person had that resulted in doing something other than the dishes. In other words, was the requester attached to the dishes getting done?
Or was (s)he willing to connect first and only then with an understanding of
everyone's needs, move to an action.
The inner work might sound like this:
Whew, I feel disappointed when I see the pile of dirty dishes. I'd love to trust that when John says he'll do dishes right after eating that he'll follow through. I'm also tired and want to come home and
relax and experience a sense of order and cleanliness. Oh yeah, how I'd love to
have this in my life when I come home. Take this in for a minute or more.
Then (s)he might say to John, "I'm really tired and would love to have a sense
of order and cleanliness right now, but when I see the dishes haven't been washed, I'm surprised and really want to understand what kept you from washing them after you ate...as we'd agreed. Before we go on though, I wonder if you feel defensive now and want to trust that I'll really hear what kept you from doing them?"
For me, it is the intention to connect to the aliveness in
myself and the other person that makes a request an "NVC
Request." I believe there is much more to requesting then we can
cover in this page and at the same time hope this it has contributed to you in
some way.
With Love,
Eliane
