By Thom Bond
As part of a four day training Program last January, I spent a fine long
weekend in Albuquerque, NM with Certified Trainers from around the world, as
well as the staffers from CNVC and Marshall and Valentina Rosenberg. A
couple of things I wanted to share.
The First Thing
Rita Herzog, who facilitated the training,
supported the group in a practice of learning and growth that comes from a
"partnership" paradigm versus the more common "power over" paradigm.
For me, early in life I learned that the teacher was my boss. I was to
submit and/or defer to his or her will. If I did that well, I did well. If
not, not so much. For me, learning inside the "power over" paradigm was
painful.
As an NVC trainer I intend to come from a place, where skills and awareness
are "power with," in an equal yet different partnership between "trainer"
and "participants", or "teacher" and "student" to share and spread skills
and awareness's.
The Second Thing
When I first heard the concept it seemed so simple and obvious.
Then, as I try to "notice and practice" I discover the practice of "power
over" is so pervasive, that even when we are open hearted we can unknowingly
participate, using words like "may I..." or "would it be OK if I..."
automatically assigning authority and submission to almost any learning
situation.
I have even seen this phenomenon in spiritual communities, where the
intention for connection and peace is highly present. I have also seen this
habitual (and therefore often unconscious) participation in "power over"
language and thinking in social change organizations as well, where there
are heart-felt intentions are to contribute to the world.
This is another place that I'm grateful for NVC. It has given me a
way to recognize these habits in me. When I am more aware of the energies of
life we call needs and values, I become more aware of our mutual
experience on this planet, our oneness and suddenly words like
"may I..." or "would it be OK if I..." seem silly.
The practice begins and ends with an awareness of feelings and needs (and
values). Through this awareness we see others just as we see ourselves...
learning about life, trying to have happiness and fulfillment and
avoiding pain. "Just like me." No longer a "teacher" or a
"student."
Yes, one person may have information or understandings that the other
doesn't have. In a "power over" paradigm we may be tempted to use this
as a way of getting our needs met at the expense of the other. In a
"power with" paradigm we are connected to the opportunity this person is
offering, allowing us to share and contribute, in a partnership of teaching
and learning. This is the paradigm we strive for in NVC.
This makes the experience of learning NVC unlike any other I have ever had.
An experience that I am grateful to have and share. ILS, Thom
P.S. - If you've never attended an NVC workshop, you can attend a "First
Mondays" free Intro and see what I'm talking about.
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